Dark Secret
by Elizabeth Bartlett
Summary: Now she knows.
1. It has to be wrong

A/N: Blame listening to'Switchfoot' while mowing the lawn, evil plot bunnies, and 'BiteMeTechie' for the idea for this story. I won't tell you who POV it is, make you guess. (evil laugh). Don't own anything related to 'SGA'. Review if you must.

It's pink. Does that mean yes or no? Picking up the box, I read the directions. Seeing what pink means, my eyes go wide. This is can not be happening to me. Feeling like my legs are going to give out any second, I sit down on the edge of the tub. My hand's shaking so much that I loose my grip on it and the test falls to the floor with a clatter. I just sit there for God knows how long, trying to get my brain to accept the results. When my heart stops racing and I don't feel like I'm gonna hurl anymore, I slowly stand. I pick up the box and test and just stand there for a minute; not knowing what to do with them. Can't throw it in the trash, someone'll see it and then there'll be some pretty awkward questions raised that I don't have the answers to. I end up dumping it in the trash anyways; I'll just blow up the packaging. As I exit and start walking around my room. Can't seem to stand still. Looking out my window I think, "_It's wrong…yea that's it…the test is wrong. I'll just have Carson give me one and then I'll know the truth._"


	2. It's not wrong

A/N: Here's another chapter since the first one was so short. Still blaming 'BiteMeTechie', listening to Switchfoot's 'Nothing is Sound' while mowing the lawn. Don't blame plot bunnies anymore. I throttled them while they were sleeping so no more evil plot bunnies. Checks to see if I own 'SGA' yet...nope still don't. Read and Review. (And no I'm still not telling you who's POV it is.)

"You're pregnant." Carson says, looking at me.

"Are you sure?" I hear myself calmly ask him while my brain is screaming, "_No fucking way! Do you even know who the father is?_"

"I ran the test twice, jus' to be sure. They both came back the same." He said, taking my hand. "Don' worry, I'll make an honest woman out of you."

"_If only it was that simple._" I thought while forcing a smile onto my face. All I want to do now is run back to my quarters and scream. I force out a laugh. I'll keep him in the dark as long as I can. I hope, no pray, that it's a girl, that she'll look like me, fewer questions that way. Standing I say, "I know you will. That's why I love you." He smiles and I feel that much more horrible for him. Poor, unsuspecting, sweet Carson; I have no right to be doing this to you. But I couldn't help it he was always there, always had some snarky remark on hand, I could always keep up with him; remark for remark and those eyes…I could get lost in those eyes of his. Giving Carson a quick kiss on the cheek I leave the infirmary. Once outside, I lean against the wall letting my tears flow. It must of happened I had seen with both of them. On separate occasions, of course. They didn't know about the other. I have no idea how I'm going to dig myself out of this hole. But I know one thing; I'm not going to tell him. I'll marry Carson and I'm going to continue the charade as long as possible, if it's necessary. My hands involuntary wrap themselves around my waist and I sigh. I'll take this dark secret of mine to the grave.


	3. Saying Goodbye to an Old Flame

A/N: Some of you have been complaining that the chapters are really really short so I'll explain. It's supposed to be like that, time passes inbetween them. So in order to appease the restless native, I'm posting yet another chapter (it's two pages on Word. Count 'em, Two!). In place of the evil plot bunnies I now blame Porthos1013 for 'Something Came Up' and am still holding a grudge with BiteMeTechie for 'Am Not!'. (both are good fics but they break up my fav. Atlantis pair and both turned the now-dead plot bunnies on me). Am still waiting to own everything from 'SGA'. Reviews are welcome, as always, as are flames in the form of constructive criticism.

"What do you mean that we shouldn't see each other anymore?" Rodney asks me. I can see the confusion, the hurt, in his eyes as he looks as me.

"Because I'm marrying Carson." I said, avoiding his gaze.

"But I thought that…why? Was it something I did? Something I said?" the hurt in his voice is almost too much for me to take.

"No…you didn't do anything…I just…it's complicated." I said, willing myself not to cry.

"Oh…well, I guess than this is goodbye." He said dejected.

I close my eyes and sigh. The 'kicked puppy' look he has on his face is too much to take, even for me. "We can still be friends." I try weakly.

"Yea…sure…friends…whatever." Rodney mumbles. He then all but runs out of my room.

I want to run after him, tell him that he might be the father of my baby, to tell him that I still love him, but Carson is going to be there for me, he actually said that he loves me and showed it by bringing me candy and flowers and asking about my family, not by snarky remarks and ordering me around the lab like I was some kind hired help. But I didn't. I knew that Rodney acting that way was he own strange way of showing affection, but I wanted someone to hold me, kiss me, actually tell me that they loved me and Carson did that. It was the right thing to do. I sigh and flop down onto my bed. "_If it was the right thing to do then why do I feel so horrible?_" I ask myself. There's a chime at the door. I don't want company right now. I groanbut get up anyways and open it to see Carson. I see the look on his face and my stomach lurches, but not because of morning sickness. "What's wrong?" I ask in an even tone, my heart pounding.

"I jus' saw Rodney." Carson replies, entering my room.

"Really?" I manage to squeak out, swallowing hard.

"Aye, he looked like someone jus' tore his heart out and stomped on it."

I didn't reply, not sure how to. Now I'm really starting to wonder if I did the right thing. "That's horrible." I say, truly concerned. It was my first real emotion of the day.

"Aye. But tha's not why I came here." Carson said, sitting down next to me and "I was wonderin' if you'd decided on a date for the weddin'. I know tha' we canna have your parents or me mum, but I though' tha' we could have a small ceremony. Jus' John, Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, an' anyone else ye wanted ta' invite."

I smile and snuggle next to him. I really don't deserve him. "What about June 20th? We can have it on one of the balconies overlooking the ocean. And how about we invite anyone who wants to come? That way people won't feel left out." I say while knowing that Rodney is going to decline.

Carson kisses me on the head and says, "Wonderful, now we jus' need to plan everythin' else."

I laugh and we start talking about cakes, dresses, what song we'll dance to, where we'll honeymoon,what to name the baby. While we're doing that, I can't but wonder if I made the right choice.


	4. Baby's Here

A/N: Wow, so many hits/reviews so far. I feel special.The identity of the person is still safelylocked up (I'm not say yes and I'm not saying no, Porthos1013). I changed the first chapter, made ita bit longer.'Steve' belongs to Dr. Dredd, so I don't own him or anything remotly relating to 'SGA'. R&R at your leasure.

"I feel huge. Not 'gain-a-few-pounds' huge or even 'that-time-of-the-month' huge, I mean HUGE! Like 'semi-trailer', 'wide-load' huge." I say as I try (unsuccessfully) to find a view that doesn't make me look like the Goodyear blimp.

Carson laughs at me from our bed and says, "You look as thin as the day I met you." Looking at him through the mirror I smile. These last months have been wonderful. The wedding was straight out of a fairy-tale; everyone came (except for Rodney of course) and we exchanged vows under a setting sun, we honeymooned on Earth; visited Carson's family and then my own, bringing Carson's mom along so she could meet my mom and dad. We told them that I was expecting and after we revived mymom she started giving me"parenting-tips".When we came back to Atlantis we moved into out new quarters and spent the last month redecorating. I sigh and make my way over to Carson, but a sharp pain makes me stop in my tracks and I wince. Carson sits up and asks concerned, "Wha's wrong?" The pain has passed and I shake my head saying, "Nothing, must have been something I ate." He leans back and I make my way onto the bed and curl up next to him. We lay like that for awhile until I feel the same pain again and then I suddenly feel wet. "Oh hell." I say, struggling to sit up.

"Wha'?" Carson asks, helping me up.

"It's time." I say standing. He doesn't say anything, just nods and in no time we're down in the infirmary. I'm yelling, cussing like a sailor and even coming up with a few words and suggestions that would make them blush. If my parents could hear me they'd wash my mouth out with fifteen bars of extra-strength soap. But I don't yell at Carson; didn't ask him how he could do this to me. I don't because, of course, I don't know that he actually did. I guess that I was making Steve and the nurses think too much about the act of conceiving so they give me an epidural and I quiet down. Some. Carson is next to me, white as a sheet, but wanting to be there for me. Then Steve says that he can see the head and the next thing I know there's a loud thump and Carson's on the floor. He passed out. "_He's never gonna hear the end of this._" I think, my laughter turning into a yell. Steve tells me it's over and I sigh. "Boy or girl?" I ask, my eyelids getting heavy. As I drift off I hear him saying that I have a healthy baby boy. I am so screwed.


	5. Elizabeth notices something

A/N: Here's another chapter and this is the point where the plot starts to thicken (evil cackle). I've become completely manic in finishing this. The evil plot bunnies rose from the grave and attacked with the evil laundry bunnies as reinforcements last night and I wasn't able to hold them off. I no longer hold a grudge against BiteMeTechie or Porthos1013, I've just downgraded to anger. That's an improvement (I think).Anyways, enough of my ramblings. Macus is the "first name" that us fanficers have come up with for Lorne, since he doesn't have one on the show. Not the owner of 'SGA'. R&R, if you must.

The birthday party is a hit. Sure it's only adults and the guest of honor can't make small talk, but little Stuart is loving the attention from all of his "aunts" and "uncles". Even though this is the Pegasus Galaxy and they don't have a Walgreens, or K-Mart on every corner they still managed to have a fair amount of presents shipped over on the Daedalus. Everyone's here, even Caldwell and Rodney. I can see that they're actually having a good time, a rare triumph. Rodney came to terms with our break-up a few weeks after Carson and I got married and we're friends now. _Just _friends. He even started to see Elizabeth a few months ago and from what I heard things are pretty intense. I'm just happy that he's moved on and wasn't too broken up over how I treated him. "He's so adorable." Katie Brown says, holding Stuart. I'm sitting next to her on the couch that Carson's mom gave us as part of our wedding gift. It's one of those overstuffed ones and is an off white, it has huge pillows and when you sit down on it you sink into it and don't want to get up, it's that comfortable.

"And so big. Before long he's gonna be too heavy to carry." Elizabeth says, smiling as Stuart grins and waves his rattle around. She ducks her head as Stuart almost throws it at her head. I laugh and think, "_John's gonna recruit him for the football team as soon as he can walk._" 'Us girls' are sitting on or around the couch. The men are more towards the balcony with couples scattered around. Someone was able to get a grill brought over on the Daedalus and Carson borrowed it for the party and is outside along with John, Marcus, Stackhouse, Rodney, Caldwell, and Ronon grilling the Pegasus Galaxy's version of steaks along with hotdogs and bratwursts. I get up for a minute to check on the macaroni salad, make sure that it's cooling, and to see if I need to restock on the sodas. As I pass the sliding doors I hear John trying to explain to Ronon why beer and brats is a time-honored Earth tradition. I just roll my eyes and flash Carson a smile. I've almost gotten over my guilt of what happened last year. When I sit back down I see that Elizabeth has taken Stuart and he's starting to get sleepy. "Here let me take him." I say reaching for him. Elizabeth hands him over and I settle back down with him leaning against me.

"It's the strangest thing." Elizabeth remarks.

"What?" I ask, curious.

"Stuart looks a bit like Rodney."

I freeze, as do the others around me. I'd had the same thought a few times, after I had put him down for a nap. I force a laugh out and say, "I think that all babies look like McKay." If Elizabeth noticed it, then maybe Carson has…and maybe even Rodney. I hope that that isn't the case, if so then things could get pretty ugly very fast. "It might have to do with the fact that continually acts like one." I quip, my heart thudding. Elizabeth laughs, as does everyone else, and says, "At times it does feel like he's a three year old stuck inside a grown man's body." We all laugh at that and I start to relax. Maybe it was a false alarm; maybe I'm just being paranoid. The rest of the party goes without a hitch; Stuart loves the cake that the chefs made for him, he dives into it face first and comes up for air covered in frosting with everyone laughing and singing 'Happy Birthday', but I can't shake that nagging feeling that Elizabeth was right.


	6. Shot and not loving it

A/N: Sorry for the shorty-short chapter (I swear these things look bigger on Word). I've been up since 7am because the plot bunnies decided to hijack my brain and make me dream all of this. I swear they're out to get me. Maybe my paranoia's a result of not getting enough sleep, having three cans of soda before 9am, and then working with complete idiots all day. Whatever. No longer angry at BiteMeTechie and Porthos1013. It just requires too much energy. If I owned everything from 'SGA' I'd be on my own private island in the Bahamas right now instead of stuck in the Midwestern United States with rain. Now go Read and Review.

"_Ok, this isn't good._" I tell myself as I run in a dead sprint for the Gate. My shoulder twinges and I flinch, not slowing down. I'm gonna need a new uniform, bullet holes really suck. Hear pounding behind me then a shout. It's McKay. Hey at least I'm not the slowest one in the group. Hah, he just tripped and fell face first into the mud. That'll teach him to try to yell and run at the same time. Wait, why am I running towards him? I should be heading for the Gate. Now I'm telling him to run for the Gate, I'll be behind him. Why? Oh yea, I'm gonna lay some explosive charges, hopefully slowing down the sons-of-bitchs who are chasing us. Bullets kick up dust around my feet, but I'm still laying them down. Ok, that one was a little close for comfort. There, done. Now _I'm_ the last one running for the Gate. As I run, I press the detonator. Five seconds later there's a huge boom and dirt flies everywhere. I grin and laugh sadistically; I love blowing stuff up. A bullet whizzes passed my head. Ok, running faster now. Face first in the mud. How did I get here? Oh yea, SOMEONE SHOT ME! Passing out now, pain almost too much to take. Dammit, I'm gonna miss Carson and Stu. I sigh and close my eyes. Someone's picking me up and carrying me. It's McKay. Damn him, why can't he just leave me there for the stupid natives with guns to find and then make me a POW and have John and the others rescue me? It's easier that way. I feel it as he slings me over his shoulder into a fireman's carry and starts hoofing it to the Gate. Next thing I know he's laying me down and saying, "…got hit after setting the explosives."

"She's hurt. Get Beckett down to the Gate room!" I hear John yell above the sound of gun fire. I sigh and faintly hear Lorne and Sheppard taking my arms and legs and hauling me up the platform. This job sucks at times and this is one of them.


	7. Carson starts to wonder

A/N: We're heading into the home stretch, now. I've sent a top-secret message to the FBI telling them to get the identity of our mysteryAtlantianout of the vault and prepare it from transport. This chapter's from Carson 'POV, just so you know. I make a refrence to a few seasononeepisodes.The plotbunniesand thelaundry bunnies are waging war over me, the winner gets to take over my brain for Monday. BiteMeTechie, yes I know that I'm evil with allthe cliff-hangers,but I can't help it. The plot bunnies made me do it. I swear. Don't know who said 'O what a tangled web we weave', most likely some famous dead guy. Either way, don't own the saying and don't own 'SGA'. Read and Review or I might sic the plot bunnies on you. Or the laundry bunnies. Whoever wins.

She's gonna be ok. I sigh, and rub my eyes trying to stay awake. Four hours for two God damn bullets. Have to thank Rodney for proving that he actually has a pair when he went back for her. This is why I didn't want her to return to active duty, something like this was bound to happen. But she was bound and determined to get out after being stuck in the city for too long. She stubborn, that's what she is. I tried to convince her not to go, I didn't want her to get killed and leave little Stuart and me alone, but she said that there was nothing to worry about. "_It's just a routine mission._" Those words echo in my mind as I look at her sleeping. Hah, routine mission my ass. John says that he swears he didn't know that the locals had gotten weapons from the Genii, but I don't believe him. In fact, I highly doubt it since I know about his thing for that guy, Kolya. When I saw Rodney hovering around her when we were in the Gate room there was something in his expression that brought up a lot of unanswered questions. Don't know why, but I get the feeling there was something between the both of them before we got married. And then of course, there are the rumors; that after the Dart incident they were seeing each other, she only married me because I'm a lot more caring than he is. I refuse to believe them, in a place this small there's bound to be a rumor mill with the majority of the stuff being not true. But the one I can't completely ignore is the one about Stuart not being my son. They say that he looks too much like Rodney for it to be a coincidence. Even I see a bit of McKay in him. Pushing the thought out of my mind I sit down and start to doze off when I hear her start to wake. Sitting up, instantly awake, I take her hand and say, "Hey."

"Mmm." She mumbles.

"How you feelin'?"

"groggy…where Stu?" she asks, her eyes still closed.

"Wit' Katie…what happened?" I ask gently.

"…don't know if he's yours." She mumbles. "love Carson. happy, just go away."

I'm confused. Who does she think I am? "Why don' you jus' rest now?" I say, putting her hand down and gently kissing her head. "We'll talk 'bout this later."

"'k." She whispers and then falls back asleep.

I leave the infirmary, but don't head back to our quarters. I end up walking aimlessly around Atlantis, just thinking about what she said.

"Canna ask you somethin', love?" Carson asks me as we get ready for bed.

"Sure what is it?" I say, sitting down on our bed.

"When we were datin', afta the thing wit' you an' Rodney," he pauses, not sure what to say next.  
"What about it?" I ask, almost dreading where he was going.

"Did you ever go out wit' him?" he finishes, looking straight at me.

"_Yes._" My brain thinks as I hear myself reply, "No." I sit next to him and ask, "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, ye know." He says, leaning towards me. I grin and move closer as well. "There's all kinda talk 'bout you an' Rodney."

Ok, that just killed the mood. I put my hand up, stopping Carson five inches from me. "Talk?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "What kind of talk?"

"Ye know…tha' afta what happen' with' the Dart an' all. Tha' the two of ya…ya know…" he says trailing off.

"No I don't know." I say, looking at him, trying to see in his eyes if he truly knew what had happened between Rodney and me. But all I see is love.

Carson sighs, clearly not wanting to talk about this but knowing that he has too. "Tha' the two of ya…were more than jus' friends."

I sigh. This is one of the downsides of living on in such a small city. Gossip runs rampant and people are constantly sticking their noses where they don't belong. "Carson," I say, looking him in the eyes. "why would I want to be anything more than just friends with McKay? I've only been in love with one man and it's you." I can see the relief in his eyes when I finish speaking. "_Oh my God,_" I think. "_he actually believes them._" Silent, we both climb into bed and turn out the lights. Carson falls asleep almost right away, but I, however, lay awake thinking. I can't help but feel terrible about all of this. Carson's so sweet; he doesn't deserve to be treated like this. It's strange, but all of this reminds me of the saying, 'O what a tangled web we weave.'


	8. It all hits the fan

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, the doc. manager decided to hate me and wouldn't let me update. But a big thanks to Reefgirl for the suggestion. I'm still waging war with the plot and laundry bunnies, and so far its a draw. I'm starting to become attached to them, I named on Merv. (hugs Merv) He's so adorable! One/Two more chapter(s) to go.I'm on the fence on how I should end this; I have two endings written out, a very happy shippy ending and then one that's a compleate 180 from the first one. I dunno, what do people think? What does Merv think? Don't own anything from 'SGA' and 'Steve' still belongs to Dr. Dredd. GoRead and Review.

It's been a long day and now I can't wait to get back to our quarters and unwind in a hot bubble bath. Maybe once Stuart's asleep I can convince Carson to join me. But I push those thought out of my mind as I head over to Katie Brown's place to get Stuart. She found him so adorable that she offered to baby-sit. "Ready to see daddy?" I ask him, picking him up. God, he's getting heavy, hemust take after Carson in that department.

He beams, claps his hands together and shouts, "Da Da!"

Katie and I both laugh, he's just so adorable. We leave and soon we're at our door. Shifting Stu to my other arm, I wave my hand over the panel and the door opens. Any day he's gonna walk on his own, I know it. "Carson, we're home!" I say. Not getting any response, I start to wonder. He usually gets home a few seconds before me and pulls something out for dinner. But I don't hear anything. After making sure Stu was playing happily with his toys, I wander into the living room. Empty. As is our room and the dining room. All that was left was the kitchen. Walking in I see Carson sitting in a chair, a piece of paper on the table in front of him. "Hey babe." I say, kissing him. He doesn't return it and it's then that I know that something's up. "Did something happen to your mother?" I ask, sitting next to him.

"Huh?" He asks, acting like he's exiting from a daydream. "Oh, no. Ma's jus' fine."

"Then what's wrong?" I ask. "What's this?" I say, picking up it up. I look at the names; 'Beckett, Carson', 'Beckett, Stuart', 'McKay, Rodney'. At the last name my eyes go wide. It's a paternity test. "_Oh Shit_." I think, looking at Carson. Gulping, I set the paper down with shaking hands. "What were the results?" I ask, hesitantly.

"He's McKays." Carson says tersely. I close my eyes. Now I finally know the truth. "Why?" I mange to whisper. "Because he looks like Rodney."

"He also looks like you." I say. It's true. Stuart has both Rodney's and Carson's looks. Don't know how to explain it, but he does. Because of what people are sayin'." Carson says, continuing like I hadn't said anything, tears filling his eyes. "But-"

"You LIED TO ME!" Carson said,yelling for the first time since we've been married. Looking away from me, he whispers, "An' I trusted you."

"Carson listen to me, please." I beg, standing. "Let me explain."

"I think that there's nothin' left to explain." he says, moving away from me.

"No I haven't. I love you. That I haven't lied to you about."

"What about Rodney? Does he know?" Carson asks, facing the window. "No he doesn't. I broke it off after I said that I'd marry you." I reply, walking over to him and putting my arms around him. He removes them and exits the kitchen. I follow and see that he's heading towards the door. "Where are you going?" I ask.

"Out." He replies, walking into the hallway.

Crap. My mind racing I turn on my headset and say, "Katie come in."

"What is it, Laura?" I hear her say over the radio.

"Carson and I need to step out for a few minutes, could you come over and watch Stu?"

"Sure. I'll be there soon."

"Ok." I say while thinking, "_Hurry_." Five minutes later I'm racing down the hallways, trying to figure out where Carson might have gone. After checking with Steve I know he's not in the infirmary and he's not in Weir's office or the cafeteria, so that just leaves the labs and the married couples's quarters. I have a pretty good hunch that he's heading towards a certain lab. I turn the corner and skid to a stop, hearing yelling. Carson and Rodney are fighting. About what I have a pretty good idea. I enter the doorway just in time to see Carson take a swing at McKay. I hear bone cracking and then blood starts to drip from Rodney's nose. My mouth hangs open in shock. I know that I need to stop this now, but I can't seem to move. Carson turns to see me and pain flashes across his face.

"I'm through." He says as he makes his way past me.

"Carson, please!" I yell running after him. By now word has gotten out that Carson was seen storming towards McKay's lab and there's a pretty good crowd at the end of the hallway. "Please!" I say stopping and letting the tears I've been holding back flow. "Don't go. We can work this out." I sob. Carson stops for a moment and then turns around. Through my tears I can see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He says softly. "I jus' need some time to think about all of this." He pauses and sighs. "I'll jus' get me stuff and say good-bye to Stuart."

"No." I sob. He just looks at me and then makes his way through the crowd. "No…" I stand there like a complete idiot, sobbing. My entire life has just crumbled around me in the space of a half-hour. I feel a pair of arms touch me and through my tears I see that it's Elizabeth.

"Come on; let's get you back to your quarters." She says softly, while gently guiding me through the throng.

"I never cheated with him." I manage to blubber out. "He loves you."

"I know." She says.


	9. I know what I have to do

A/N: Quick little note, first it's her POV and then switches to Carson's. I make a refrence to an early 90's movie, see if you can figure it out. Don't own anything from 'SGA'. Read and Review.

I slip the note under Carson's door and head back to (what I still consider) our quarters. Once inside I lock the door and head for the bathroom. Closing the door I rummage around until I find what I'm looking for. Tears falling, I slide the blade across my wrists, twice on each. As I'm doing this, I hear muffled thumps and a voice yelling for me to unlock the door. Carson must have gotten my note not long after I dropped it off and wants to convince me not to do this, we can talk about it. But it's too late. Everything's been pushed past the point of just talking them out. He was my world and then it all came crashing down. Feeling lightheaded my knees give way and I collapse on the floor, the blade slipping from my grip and making a small clattering sound when it hits the floor. I close my eyes. There's blood everywhere. I hear the door open and footsteps. Carson yells my name, a single shout as he kneels beside me. He's now yelling for John to find something to help stop the bleeding. Everything's getting fainter as seconds pass. I hear soft sniffing sounds and I realize that Carson's crying. Then I feel nothing.

I open my eyes and sigh. This hasn't been the first time that I've dreamed about killing myself. Hell, I've even considered it a few times. But then I think, "_Who's gonna take care of Stuart?_" Carson most likely won't want anything to with him and McKay…well he's happy with Elizabeth. My parents would most likely take him, but I don't want him growing up like I did. I was lucky enough to turn out as normal as I did. I haven't left my room in three weeks. John was nice enough to put me on "extended family leave" and told me to take as long as I needed to "sort things out" and Teyla took Stuart so "I could greave". Gee, _that_ made me feel a whole lot better. I'm a complete mess; crying all the time. I've darkened all the windows in the place, so I haven't seen the sun at all. Heightmeyer came by and tried to get me to talk about all of this, but I can't. It's just too painful. Elizabeth stopped by as well and she's the only one who I really talked to. She tells me that Carson broke Rodney's nose in two places and that people are still talking about it. What she doesn't tell me is how people are also still talking about how Stuart isn't Carson's son and that's the reason he left me. She didn't have to tell me, I knew that they'd be talking about it. I wake up late in the morning, still dressed in the same clothes that I've worn the day before. Our bed feels so big and empty now that Carson's gone and it's just me. It feels like I've hit rock bottom. Have I? I wake up one morning and I feel like I've just had an epiphany. Like lightning has just struck my brain. I shower, get dressed and raise the blinds on the windows, letting in the sunlight. I enter the world of Atlantis for the first time in four weeks. As I make my way down the hallways I smile to those I pass by. They smile back and give me strange looks; they're expecting someone who's a complete mess and not the cool, calm, collected person that they see. I make my way to where Carson is staying and ring the Ancient's version of a doorbell.

Carson opens the door and says in an even tone, "Oh hello."

Before he can say anything else I say, "Listen I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You didn't deserve it. After what happened with Rodney and me…it felt like there was something there, but there wasn't. I've only loved one person and that's you. I understand if you want a divorce." I move to leave, but Carson grabs me and pulls me into his room. Before I can ask what's going on, he presses a finger to my lips and says, "I don' want you to go." He then removes his finger and kisses me. Hard. I return the kiss and ten seconds later we're ripping each other clothes off.

One good thing out of all of this is that Rodney hasn't shown up in the infirmary for two weeks. That's got to be some kind of record for him. Call me an ass for liking it, but my staff and I actually got some work done and we all enjoyed the peace and quiet. Steve told me that I broke his nose in two places. I didn't mean to hit him, it's just when I confronted him and he denied everything, I saw red and reacted. How else would you react towards that self-centered, pompous, self-centered, hypochondriac, ass of a Canadian doctor? It hurt me to leave her like that, but I needed to some space to think. Re-examine my life so far. I began to think about transferring back to the SGC. Even talked about it with Elizabeth at one point, but she convinced me to wait a few more weeks to make my final decision, until "everything calmed down." The first week it was all I could do to get out of bed and carry on like everything was normal. The second week it was a bit easier, and by the third week it was like second nature and some sense of normalcy returned. Even Steve and Melissa stopped asking me if I was ok, and the staff stopped walking like they were on pins and needles. But at night the tears still came and it's all I can do to make them go away. I realize that I miss her and want to go back, but I don't know how to do it. Then on my day off she appears in front of my door telling me that she's sorry for everything and that I didn't deserve to be treated like that and she'd understand if I want a divorce. Then she turns to leave and I don't want her to go. So I grab her hand and pull her in and before she can ask what's going on, I hush her and tell her that I want her to stay. I give her a hard kiss and by the way she returns it, I know that she feels the same way. Suddenly it's like we're like newlyweds again.

A/N: So I caved and combined the two endings.And sorry fortaking so long for updating. The disk I hadthis writen out on decided to get rid of most of thestuff, so I had to rewrite the ending.Kudos to BiteMeTechie for the "pull a Dallas" idea. I want to say that I don't concdone the use of suicide; if you have a problem talk to someone and get help. It scares yet at the same time intrigues me that I could write the first part so well. You all will find out the identity of our mystery Atlantian in the next chapter.


	10. A Happy Ending

A/N: Don't own anything related to 'SGA' and the song Only You (And You Alone) is by 'Lonestar'. Slight Sheyla, Lorne/Brown and McWeir.R&R.

Six months later…

"…and do you, Laura Beckett, also renew your commitments to honor, obey and love your husband, Carson, until death do you part?"

"I do." I say, gazing into his eyes.

"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you _still _man and wife. Go ahead; you may kiss your beautiful bride!"

We both smile and kiss. It's a deep sensual kiss.

"Get a room already!" we hear John shout. We break apart, smile and laugh at the comment. Everyone laughs as well and starts clapping. Out of the corner of my eye I see Teyla give John a slap to the back of the head. I laugh at that and look at Carson. After months of marriage counseling with Hightmeyer, Carson said that he was ready to move back in with me and Stuart. I was thrilled and suggested that we do something to celebrate. Katie suggested the vow renewal ceremony and we both agreed and started planning right away. I know that things can never go back to the way that they used to be, but I don't care. I'm just glad that Carson's back in my life.

Later on we're dancing to 'Only You (And You Alone)' along with Elizabeth and Rodney, Teyla and John, Lorne and Brown, and a number of other couples. We're slowly dancing together and Carson's gently singing the lyrics to me; Only you can make this world seem right/Only you can make the darkness bright/Only you and you alone/Can thrill me like you do/And fill my heart with love for only you/Only you can make this change in me/For it's true, you are my destiny/When you hold my hand/I understand the magic that you do/You're my dream come true/My one and only you/Only you can make this change in me/For it's true, you are my destiny/When you hold my hand/I understand the magic that you do/You're my dream come true/My one and only you/You're my dream come true/My one and only you.

Carson spins me around and then gently dips me. I laugh and smile softly. God it's good to have him back.

A/N: See I told you that you'd learn her name. Thank youto all for stroking my egoto make me continually think I had all of you guessing as to who itreally was (Although blaming Techie and Porthos for making me come up with the plot in the first place kind of gave it away). I'm shocked, surprised and saddenedthat no one picked up on the refrence to 'Hook' (ep. _you_ BiteMeTechie, proclaimed Dustin Hoffman lover.) Isn't that true Merv? (Merv nodds his little bunny head up and down in agreement)So what do people think? Good, bad, horrible? Should I do another POV or should you all tackle me to death and take away Merv for even thinking such a thought?


End file.
